Mysty Shla

24 hours prior to the New Year, I was lounging infront of the tele. Douglas of record TV was hosting a bunch of “never seen or heard before” kids whose musical background ends at some God forsaken studio. I muted the sound to save my ears from their unrealistic conversation mbu Bebe Cool should charge the same amount of money like P Square or Movado because according to them, he can pull the same numbers for a show, yeah right! I snorted. Anyways that was the least of my worries since I had a real problem at hand to deal with; finding plot that will get me through to a fresh year i.e not from home. Brokenness had successfully denied me anything money related so my options narrowed down to free entry places. Church was number one on that list followed by house parties; I settled for church given the distance of the venue and company; Kololo was the perfect place to enjoy the battle of fireworks across the city skyline. Before you judge me for having the lousiest reasons to atte...

It’s been one of those days, work was stressful and nothing seemed to be working right and all you need is a great movie to wind down your terrible day. Fortunately for you; you just got your hands on a movie you have been dying to watch for quite sometime, well it’s not that new but to you it is because you have not yet watched it right? You toy with the idea of either watching it alone or inviting a friend over, which regarding to the number of digits signed up in your phonebook wouldn’t be a problem; you have a very big collection of friends to pick from BUT (and that’s a very big but) they are a few you just can’t make the mistake of inviting, people like; Paul-The Suspense Killer Paul is the dude who watches all the movies before the rest of the gang does, he knows which movie is nice and which is not; in short he’s the perfect which-movie-should-I-watch consultant, the problem with Paul is this…..since he’s watched all movies before you; he knows what it’s all about; first he ...

Have you ever gone shopping in DT? Yeah 90% of you have, the remaining 10% are pretending they don’t even know such a place exists but I won’t sweat you, it’s not like it’s the coolest place to be, pricewise though it’s the shit. For 20,000/- your shopping bag will look like its about to explode, you’ll find your pink top, your pink shoes, your pink belt and everything pink you need to make your ex regret dumping you. But the best part of it all is that you won’t find any other bimbo wearing what you got. Hard as they may try DT sells only exclusive shit unlike boutiques that have the same top in all rainbow colors, with DT nobody will publish your photo in the “who wore it best” section of the tabloids. Enough with that, I just wanted ya’ll to have a feel of what am going to talk about, most especially those who are still shamelessly having question marks on the location of DT (it’s a boutique on the ground OK?).God some people! That aside what I wanted to talk about is the marketi...

In Maths She wants to stock sugar in her house because of the looming economic meltdown so she figures she will be saving some money if she bought it at Nakumatt, Game or Uchumi at 3,000/= per kg because sugar in Mengo has hit 5,000/- per kg (approximately). She gets a special hire and moves from one supermarket to another to be able to accumulate 6 kgs “anti” the supermarkets are rationing their sugar output. At the end of it all, she pays the special hire man 20,000/- and puts a very satisfied smile on her face Breaking it down for her: 5,000 by 6 equals 36,000 and 3,000/- by 6 equals 18,000/- then add 20,000/- and you get a whooping 38,000/- . This one was getting below 10% seriously. In History She has been dating a player for the whole year, she gets tired of his crap and dumps him, in comes John; player number two, after six months, her heart is broken again. She can’t seem to understand why relationships are not working out for her. She gives it one last shot with Frank...

Once upon a time in a certain small village lived a young boy called Olara, he had big dreams and didn’t mind sharing them with whoever cared enough to listen. Olara’s big dream was to travel to a distant land called FREEDOM, he’d had stories about this place and vowed to reach there one day. Olara worked hard and saved some money to buy a special material called a KITENGE which he took to the village tailor, he wanted to look his best when he got to the land of FREEDOM. This young boy came from a fairly wealthy family and his Dad owned the only car in the village however, he refused to grant his son the car to take him to the land of FREEDOM so poor Olara had to device a new plan to get him there. He decided that on Monday or Thursday which happened to be market days in his village, he’d walk all the way to the land of FREEDOM. Soon rumors started circulating in the village about Olara’s intention to walk all the way to the land of FREEDOM. Some sympathized with him while others l...

Disclaimer:- if you’ve ever been diagnosed with “issueology”- stop reading this here In the beginning God made man, this fella called Adam was given a whole play station, free food, pets, a big swimming pool; I mean he was living in paradise. Eden was practically like Las Vegas, but even with all that, Adam said he was bored. God being the brains of all brains came up with the perfect solution; break Adam’s ribs with the best joke ever; a woman; her name was Eve, and boy did they have fun. I know most of you are now thinking of Cineplex or Club Silk; get real this is BC, Adam and Eve just talked and talked and talked like radio and weazy, sometimes it was lame lines from Adam mbu he was the manager and CEO of Eden, other times real great jazz about stuff. Eve had a dope IQ as 99% of chics do (guys if your think I'm wrong, try pulling the “virgin Mary stunt”) anyway as I was saying, the short time she was at Eden, she had analysed everything; Adam was wasting resources big time...

1. If Noah had a pair of every living thing in the world aboard his ark and those that were left drowned in the flood…did the fish that were left also drown? 2. If heaven is not up, why did God disorganize the people that were building stairs to heaven by making them speak different languages? 3. How come Africa is centuries away in a world that was created on the same day? 4. If high population is the cause of poverty, what’s up with China? 5. Why is it that America, the one place with lots of animal activists, researchers and professors has no game parks or game reserves? 6. How come Africans abroad (except those in India and China) speak English with an accent yet the whites in Africa speak the same way they would if they were in their continents? 7. Does China know that there is an Original sin? 8. Why does UNEB fail you when your answer to the question “who was the first man to discover Lake Victoria” is a Mutuze? 9. If God is love and love is blind, does that...

Being a scoobie is a cool thing (someone just threw a tomato to my face) banange! Ok let me rephrase that, it’s cool without the limitations i.e the rules. By the way those readers who don't fall under generation X, or the Dot Com era the word “scoobie” loosely translates to school kids. Presenting the things that kill the whole fun side of being a scoobie; You're opinions don't matter whatsoever As a scoobie you're convinced you know what's best for you i.e a mohawk, low cuts, skinnies, and by all means you know you're the definition of swag but every time you try to put this point across to people older than you, it’s received with lots of negativity like they're hating on you or something. None of them cares about your beautiful swagnificent theory. Parental guidance is on everything Starting with what you watch, what you listen to, where you go and the list goes on. Everything you do has to be approved something that never happens, so you r...

Back then it was understandable, time didn’t matter because our ancestors only had day and night and to tell them apart, there was the rising and setting of the sun. However, today we have clocks on the walls, watches on the hands, time on the phones, time on car dashboards, time on the damn computers hell we even have clock towers, so why is time keeping still an issue? We were all supposed to convene in Mbale before 2:00pm to change, shop for what’s missing and make sure everybody was present then set off as one. I had particularly thought this would be the perfect chance for me to ditch our UAF for a Noah but that didn’t happen. At 2:00pm the spokesman for the groom’s side found the three of us opening happiness and getting high (read cursing) on Bambuchas. The look on his face was question mark after question mark. We had given up speculating on the cause of the delay; none of us knew what’s up. The first group finally arrived at 3:00pm, all female. I thought they’d head st...

When the weekend sets in, all manner of plots manifest, my weekend was no exception. There was a kwanjula and the AND1 live in K’la. I had the means to access both events, however I later came to realise the Kwanjula invitation was an “attend or attend” kind of thing and that’s how I found myself preparing for an introduction ceremony that was supposed to happen somewhere beyond Mbale town at 2:00pm. First things first, what was I going to wear when I’m such an anti-Kwanjula? I sat and pondered about my wardrobe predicament, then got up with what I thought was the solution (ransacking the whole room). For all my effort all I could see were...Jeans, jeans, jeans and more jeans oh wait.. bang! A black dress…nah too short, too open. I was officially back to square one with no bright ideas beaming at the back of my mind. That was the beginning of my dilemma. Since I’m not the kind that gives up easily, I got the phone, punched some digits and dialed Janice (not real name). J...